I feel the rage in my throat.

In my head.

Pressure building that has no release valve... I want to explode.

I want to scream from the rooftops that life as I knew it is over....

And at the exact same time my vocal chords are bound with ribbons of fear.

Shiny red ribbons that look like protection, but cut off the circulation of honesty.

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I was honest, once.

But what I wanted didn’t fit into their plan. So they tried to save me by making me believe my dreams were too good for me. That I’d never measure up.

That trying meant I’d failed at the most important thing: pleasing God and being a good, spiritual person.

Trying would make me disposable, for fear that my bad influence would rub off on others.

My truth turned into the problem.

So I buried it. Beat myself into submission for survival and tried to suffocate the grief of betrayal on two fronts.

A betrayal so deep, my wanting became invisible and turned into everything they wanted instead.

I can’t help wondering Who I’d be by now if I hadn’t been all tied up.

If I was completely free now.

If the people I’d trusted had led me towards my best interests instead of pacifying their own fears with my life.

If my belief in the systems around me actually deserved it, if the naivete instilled into me like a morality brand was protected instead of exploited.

Things could have been so different.

And yet here I am, in my 4th decade of life feeling like a newborn.

Breathing fresh air, and looking at how all the rules have changed…..

XOXO, Alyssa

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When we’re young, we’re handed possibility like it’s ours for safe keeping.

We dream in full color - - the art, the singing career, the life that feels like us.

And then, slowly, those dreams become unacceptable.

Too much. Not practical. Who do you think you are?

So we put them down. And we kept going.

And then one day we’re standing in the middle of a life we can’t quite explain, wondering who we are and how we got there.

Make/Believe is where we start over — not from scratch, but from truth.

This is where we remember what we actually want. Where we learn to trust the thing inside us that always knew. Where we stop tolerating our life and start making the one that should have always been.

Subscribe and start feeling safe to want out loud again.

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“I wish that was me.”

“I wish I was that good.”

“#goals”

“That’s exactly how I wish my work looked/sounded”

We’ve all had these thoughts. These reactions to people, to works of art, to skillsets we admire.

Seeing who we wish we were, show up in someone else, is actually the applied demonstration of our potential…..but I didn’t always see it that way.

It’s taken many tears, years of time and courage on repeat to arrive at this perspective.

When those thoughts would surface, I took it as proof of my inadequacy. At how far I was from reaching a level in my work that I was proud to call mine. That could sit on the same elevated pedestal I sat the work of those I admired on.

And that If I was to have any chance at success with my work, I had to become exactly like them.

So I’d study their sentence structures. Try to find different ways of expressing similar thoughts, their humor, try to emulate brush strokes or shapes and styles of putting paint on a canvas. I’d come as close as possible to copying their work, without actually copying them, as I could get.

And then when my work flopped, was so far from the result I wanted, I took that as confirmation of my fear that I just didn’t have what it took.

That I’d never measure up or have a real chance of success building a business around my creativity, because why would someone pay me, when people so much better existed?

I didn’t just admire them. I wished I was them and beat myself up because I wasn’t.

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That’s what we’ve been taught to do in the zero sum world we live in….that someone else’s genius or expertise means there is less room for us. That if a market is saturated, there’s really no opportunity for anyone else to play….that the sidewalks of entry are rolled up and the gates locked forever.

The “Zero Sum Game” is one of the biggest lies we’ve been taught.

But it keeps being perpetuated because if you’re on the right side of it, it’s the ultimate ego boost. And it keeps your competition at bay. More and more for you.

We all long for something to prove our worth back to us. To confirm that we are where we’re supposed to be and that we are indeed special.

And up to now, it’s a confirmation that holds no weight unless it comes from outside of us, because we’ve been beaten senseless by the club of self-doubt as a virtue.

We’re allowed to want our work to resonate. External validation isn’t the enemy. But needing it more than trusting our own opinion….that’s how we stay stuck on hamster wheels of work that never feels like our own.

I long for the day when the tables turn and the default is getting those answers first from our internal voices more often than from exterior opinions.

Our longing, our desire - - what it ACTUALLY tells us, is that we have every capacity to reach the level of work that we admire in others.

I don’t think we admire work that doesn’t lead us back to our own.

Back to places we need to explore or depths that need surfacing.

Envy is actually just information we can use to uncover hidden parts of ourselves that are tired of hiding.

The parts of us that are uncopyable. The hand that offers us the missing key to the locked gate of saturated spaces that we were told couldn’t hold us, but was waiting for us all along.

The ache was never about other people. Never about our actual talent or ability.

It’s always been our intuition guiding us home. Demanding to be heard.

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You found me. Not everyone does.

I’m Alyssa, founder of Wild Little Words.

My work started when I found myself standing at the edge of adulthood with no map, no direction, trying to figure out who I was and how to build a life from that — not survive one.

The answers showed up, sitting seductively, at the intersection of intuitive identity work, marketing strategy, and creative practice, (The Universal Triad), not in the expert opinions of others telling me what I should do.

This is the framework that’s dismantling every ‘supposed to’ I’ve ever swallowed.

Founders who can’t explain their own businesses, Creatives who’ve lost their through-line, and Humans who don’t recognize themselves anymore have all found my work helpful. The work is rigorous, but rewarding. The person doing it refuses to be boring.

I’m also a painter, poet, music lover and devoted host of dinners where real things get said.

Come find out what’s possible when you finally know who you are and how to talk about it.

→ Join the conversation

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I can’t tell you how much I used to beat myself up when things didn’t just come naturally to me. How deeply I took that as proof my inadequacy.

I’ve always had dreams of being the next best thing - - call that conceited, I don’t care…it’s honest and honestly, has anyone’s dream ever been being mediocre?

Acting, playing instruments, painting and writing were interests I was drawn to, but bounced from one to the next looking for which “zone of genius” would be my jack-in-the-box moment - - the turn of the dial that made my prize appear.

But side-by-side with my ambition, also came my downfall - - the thing that stopped me before I ever got started - - the expectation that any efforts towards said interests had to show “promise of excellence” immediately.

If I wasn’t great at something right away, I internalized that as not having what it took to reach the levels I aspired to. So why bother trying?

I believed that was how people arrived into their artistic calling…that brilliance just flowed magically from them, fully formed.

That every brushstroke, every typewriter letter that tap-tap-tapped was perfect the first time. That a singer just opened their mouth one day and the anthem of a decade came alive.

Instant gratification - The mark of true genius.

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So I never progressed beyond an unending cycle of disappointment and failure - - all feeding my belief about not being good enough. Not having what it took.

So I tried giving up.

I tried convincing myself artistic aspirations didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. That there were more important things in life to focus on than whether or not I ever sold a story, song or still life.

I called it “putting myself out of my misery”.

But the call never went away. It just manifested as a discontent that I couldn’t quell.

No one ever really talks about what happens when that part of you goes dormant. The grief cannot be contained and it doesn’t stay quiet.

It turns sideways in places meant to stay upright.

Eventually, I recognized what I was holding. I realized that trying to fill, what I thought was an empty hole, was actually ready to burst from years of suppression, and could only be remedied by undoing the plug. By getting everything I’d been holding hostage inside of me out.

So that became a good enough place to start. I didn’t care (well, I cared a lot less) about my results and decided to focus on doing.

Building the habit of “the work”.

I started studying the work of artists I admired. Got interested in their history, their story - what led them to become who we know them to be now.

Van Gogh was hated for his art when he was alive. But he couldn’t stop. His need to express his creativity drove him to manic and depressive episodes.

Picasso had to start somewhere, and seeing that journey in his museum in Barcelona helped me follow that first hand.

I also found some less famous artists, people who felt more accessible to me, and I followed their work.

One called himself “a copywriter moonlighting as a poet.” One sentiment he kept stating over and over, his claim to fame, was that he was never chasing “marketing”. His goal as a human was to be a better “creative”. His creative expression trumped any success he had with his copywriting. In fact he credited much of his success there to his skills as creative writer.

His career started by listening to books while working odd jobs, absorbing information on the “How To’s”. But what stood out the most was that after his “9-5”, he’d open up his laptop and write like it was his religion. For hours.

Another famous author, who gathers crowds of paying people to come and listen to him read aloud, lamented about how often people will come up to him after his show and express their desire to become a writer.

He’d ask them how often they wrote and the most common response was “Every now and again, definitely not everyday.”. His reaction was genuine confusion - - he couldn’t understand how someone would express their heart’s desire but have nothing to show in the pursuit of it.

Looking back, it’s such an obvious observation. And yet how many of us never see it that way?

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Lainey Wilson, a country music star, is famous for saying “If you’re gonna be a dreamer, you better be a doer.”

I could go on.

These ideas started stacking up. Finally started clicking. And then, they started to sting.

My desire to be known for something has never died, in fact, as I get older, it just gets stronger. Having big dreams was never my problem but the biggest piece I was missing was the “doing”. The messy, chaotic, “this is crap” kinda doing.

Finally, I absorbed the message that talent is mostly a skill to be cultivated. Not an innate ability granted to a special few.

Doing my work hasn’t been the easiest path to travel...I’ve had a lifetime of conditioning gunk and worthiness soot to loosen, sift and excavate. It’s an on-going process.

But I’ve realized that the identities we wrestle with, owning or disrobing, the emotions we’re consumed by but pretend aren’t there, the truth about what we want vs. what actually is - - That’s where art that’s remembered actually comes from. And it’s the piece that most of us skip over because it hurts before it heals.

I’ve decided that I’d rather be fully expressed and mediocre than closeted and choked, waiting for perfection.

Genius isn’t the absence of friction. It’s the willingness to stay in it.

Talent isn’t what spills out perfectly the first time, it’s what survives our own doubt long enough to get better.

The artists I admired weren’t marked by magic. They were marked by obsession. By devotion. By repetition. By the refusal to interpret early awkwardness as disqualification.

I’ve learned that the grief, the conditioning, the soot - - that isn’t in the way of the work.

It is the work. That tension is the raw material, because expression isn’t something bestowed. It’s something earned through paint stained fingers and keyboards with faded letters.

If you’re going to be a dreamer, you don’t just have to be a doer. You have to be someone willing to be bad, publicly or privately, long enough to become honest.

At least that’s where I’m headed. Word by word…doubt by doubt.

Hey. I’m Alyssa - a writer + Creative Strategist exploring language as infrastructure to reclaim and build lives we enjoy living more. Thanks for being here.

It’s a hypnotizing combination, relief and possibility, especially when you’ve been suffocating inside somebody else’s status quo, for maybe your whole life.

One fanned flame could burn everything to the ground…finally offering you the space where your life, your work, and your wildest ideas can finally breathe into existence.

But while the change you’re aching for feels all-consuming, it’s also untenable.

You’re struggling to decide what to make for dinner, let alone how to start rebuilding your life, all over again, from literal scratches in the dirt.

You’re just too far in.

Or are you?

I spent years asking myself that question, trying to muster the courage to burst out of the shapes that oppressed me instead of supported me.

The cliche response is that it’s never too late for change, especially the ones brewing inside you now, demanding release.

But knowing where to start? That’s a horse of a different color in a herd of black and white thinking.

Here’s the advice most people offer as the starting line:

Decide what you want, and begin implementing small aspects of those things into your life.

Simple enough, right? ***side eye***

Welcome to the “Wonderful World of Wellness,” where pithy quotes are plentiful and real-life application is scarce - - something I hate and promise you’ll see done differently here.

It’s an “easy enough” prescription…but in my experience, after years, maybe decades, of people-pleasing and shape-shifting, knowing what I wanted, uninfluenced and without guilt, was the tallest, steepest mountain I had to face.

I didn’t have the tools to know what I wanted. Where to start. I just knew I wanted something very different.

Maybe you feel this way too?

If so, lets start at the REAL beginning: Learning enough about yourself to understand what the actual changes you want look and feel like.

After all, you cant make something without knowing what ingredients you need to create it.

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Step 1: Start where you are

Start gathering the things you already know you love, (no questing, just doing), and get ridiculously curious about why you love them.

Songs.
Books.
Poems.
Movies.
TV shows.

Especially the ones with clear messages or themes.

Step 2: Make it visual

Start a Pinterest board called “ME.”
Pin images you’re drawn to.
Quotes that linger.
Room decor that, as my friend Jenn likes to say, “flips your skirt up.” Things that feel like the changes you’re desperate for, even if you’re not sure why yet.

Step 3: Notice the patterns

Start trying to articulate what themes are repeating. Why they resonate. What parts of you they turn on and why you think that is. Are there similar colors that are collecting? Romantic lines? Modern architecture?

Notice the language that starts to swell up in you around what you’re drawn to. The sensations and where in your body you’re feeling them.
Get comfortable with it.

Step 4: Get it out of your head

Start recording your answers somewhere:
your Notes app, a journal, a Google Doc, voice notes, whatever works.

Just short words or phrases as they come.

Tell yourself your safe to speak, write and feel the joy that sparks up.

The only rule?
Get it out of your head and into a document or on a page.

Not only will you want to reference these ideas later, you also need to start creating interior space in your mind and heart for what’s inevitably coming.

That’s it for now.

Honor yourself with time here. 5 minutes before bed…3 minutes with your morning coffee, over the course of a week or so. Don’t rush the process, but don’t let it become a chore either.

Your only job here is to notice and have fun. Fun is the whole point. Anything worth lasting should have its roots buried deep in fun.

Remember, don’t treat this like an assignment, treat it like the act of self-love it is. After all, YOU are the whole point of your life.

This is your first match strike.
The beginning flame where genuine change catches.

If you’ve enjoyed this exercise and are interested in more frameworks (not templates) for how to implement small changes in your life that add up to massive shifts…

When the outside noise of limiting beliefs or unworthiness start getting too loud…

Or if you’re craving conversations that stretch outside of the typical wellness mumbo-jumbo…

Make sure you’re subscribed. I’ll be sharing more soon.

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“Words don’t just decorate our lives. They shape and build them.” - Alyssa Faye

Hey - I’m Alyssa.

A writer, artist, and speaker drawn to exploring what happens when we start naming things honestly- - and how that honesty translates into change.

I believe that finding language for what hurts, what we want, or what we’re avoiding can reclaim self-trust and agency, and help us form our own ways of living, leading, and creating. Ways that always should have been.

If you’re a Woman, Leader, Coach or Creative seeking change, but aren’t sure how to navigate it, stay close.

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Somewhere between the rise of personal brands and the fall of genuine rest, “Wellness” became a business model. A marketplace of fixes: bright labels, bold promises and perfectly optimized routines, all designed to sell relief.

We’ve outsourced our intuition to algorithms and our healing to subscription plans. We’ve mistaken care for control and tried to hack our way back to wholeness, turning the body into projects-in-the-third-person (separate from ourselves) that never end.

Marketing, as an industry, has done the same, but instead of our bodies, it’s our businesses that feel dis-eased.

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It’s a business model rife with different, but similarly bold promises of over-simplified steps and optimized routines predicated on one-size-fits-all solutions.

The brand you perfectly curated mood boards for and spent months meditating over, finally manifested, only to wind up creating a smoldering pocket of frustration and dread where excitement used to live.

So we go searching for the fix - - the right doctor or marketing expert, the right clinic or perfectly branded website, the perfect pill or template built just for you.

We trust professionals in their pressed white coats & navy blazers, the zen-ly decorated offices, the status quo-approved hope because when you have a problem you don’t know how to fix, what else is there to do than what’s always been done to solve it?

But more often than not, our experience ends up feeling like a theme park version of healing & fixing: endless waiting in lines, rehearsed smiles and rides that feel good in the moment, but inevitably end up right back where you started.

We need a new story. A new way of tending to what’s hurting. One that matches the wisdom, intention and personalization our wellness and business journeys demand.

The way we approach the business of Wellness and Marketing needs a rewilding.

For me, a person obsessed with feeling my best (wellness) and the language around ideas, persuasion and autonomy, these are not separate conversations.

The areas of overlap point to a quiet rebellion that’s been brewing for a while now - a merging of our personal and professional souls and what we demand from both: substance over subservience.

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We’ve deserved this all along but were taught to believe it was unnecessary because “good enough” was good enough. That time is money and we can’t afford anything other than a quick fix.

Our clients, consumers and customers are tired of being the commodity. Tired of being told that the answers they’re looking for are just 3 steps and $197 away or that what they’re seeking exists outside of themselves, in deference to the experts of yesteryear.

Rewilding is remembering that the goal, in business, in wellness, in life, isn’t optimization, but relationship and taking steps to nurture that in both.

For me, this looks like stepping off the manicured path and back into the living ecosystem of our bodies, minds and markets, in partnership, expert and newbie together, as one unified entity deserving of inclusivity, not hierarchy.

It’s remembering that healing happens in seasons, not sprints, and that winning doesn’t look like dominating our biology or our market, but listening to it. Honoring what it’s asking for - - If you’re listening, they’ll both tell you exactly what they want.

The next evolution of marketing won’t be about promising transformation (though transformation will come). It will be about re-teaching trust between those a bit further down the path and those just arriving.

It looks like language that embodies empathy and partnerships that honor self-sovereignty.

Design choices, whether brand colors or treatment plans, will start with asking “what makes people feel safe again, not “what’s trending?” or “this is how we’ve always done it”.

Rewilding is the future because it embraces an untraditional approach and offers tools to assist others in the most meaningful tradition of all: Feeling good in our bodies and businesses, as our most aligned and wild selves, waking up refreshed and excited about what the day has in store.

The future of wellness, and marketing, belongs to those who remember that connection was always the cure, and that perhaps the most radical business strategy left, in any industry, is honesty that rebuilds trust.

If you’re ready to stop marketing and start “meaning”, you’ll find me off the beaten path, tending the roots of a philosophy that doesn’t just work, it thrives.

There’s always room for one more.

Hey - I’m Alyssa — an artist, copywriter, and idea strategist reclaiming her humanity & rewilding through words.

If you’re a Leader, Founder, Creative, or Coach yearning to grow your brand into a movement that can’t be ignored, stay close.

I’ll help you speak your best ideas into truth and tribes, with words that transcend algorithms.

I had to finish painting the trim on the entire upper floor of my house, and my ADHD brain was like:

“Absolutely not. Too big. Too boring. Immediate shutdown.”

So I bribed myself the only way I knew how -- with music.

I’ve been on a “Retro Alyssa” kick lately-- early 2000s emo/singer-songwriters who could siphon all the feelings out of your ribcage with three chords and a pinky finger.

Matt Nathanson. Dashboard Confessional. Jack’s Mannequin. Fall Out Boy.

Every song felt like opening a time capsule. Like visiting a younger me who still thought in drama, glitter, and first-kiss static.

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And somehow, between coats of paint on trim and at-the-top-of-my-lungs singalongs, the task didn’t feel impossible anymore.

Music reminds me that I’m not just one self.

I’m a collection of what was. A chorus of what can be.

Even if in that moment, its just the owner of a freshly painted house.

Sometimes, to move forward, all it takes is a little borrowed energy from bittersweet angst and yesteryear.

Hey - I’m Alyssa — an artist, poet, copywriter, and idea strategist reclaiming her humanity & rewilding through words.

If you’re a Leader, Founder, Creative, or Coach yearning to grow your brand into a movement that can’t be ignored, stay close.

I’ll help you speak your best ideas into truth and tribes, with words that transcend algorithms.

Today, I am heartbroken. Tired from carrying the weight, keeping track of, and trying to stitch back together pieces of something that’s supposed to be whole.

You’d think the whole would be heavier than its pieces. But it's not.

Like how having a baby suddenly requires you to carry diapers, wipes, at least one change of clothing, bottles, filtered water, formula, blankets, and toys at all times—, each subsequent piece of me that shatters carries 10x’s its weight in baggage.

Accouterments I have to lug around to keep the fragments from dying.

There’s a joke here, sarcastic, dark and delicious—something about the whole “10x everything in your life” hustle culture nonsense—But I don’t even have the desire to find it.

So much of our lives—my life—has been masked. Covered up in layers to pretend we’re not broken. And it's not just one mask, either.

It’s a whole “turtles all the way down” situation, except instead of revealing that we’re the same all the way through, maybe it proves that what we think is real is just another disguise.

Because if our true tenderness actually touched the light, we wouldn’t just break.

We’d disintegrate.

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Maybe none of this makes any sense and I’ll edit it all out later - Tie it up with a pretty red bow…sealed with the blood I'll have bandaged up in the process….but I digress.

I don't even think we know what it means to feel anymore. We’re rubbed so raw, so early, that by the time we’re twenty, we’ve buried anything real so far down we’ve lost the map.

And so we go on, layering more protection to keep us from touching anything that hurts, or anything that matters, because what else is there to do?

We start relationships already braced for impact, hardening our love before it can grow, because to let it grow is to risk rejection - a fate worse than death…But then we wonder why it all falls apart.

We teach our children to do the same and call it “keeping them safe”, but it’s just pre-programmed armor and the cycle just keeps going.

Maybe that’s why music hits so hard? Why poetry - the only real source of truth I’ve found, feels like a life line.

Why I can't pry my grasp away from the hope that only art and creativity keep alive, and why I’m so desperate to be a part of it….because it’s my only real glimpse into what permission looks like.

Permission to be real.

To feel deeply. Even if it's only for three minutes.

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Art is our socially-sanctioned outlet for the atrocities we as sensitive beings are told we must, not only endure, but find a way to thrive amongst at any cost.

And shame on you if you're the tiniest bit affected outside of that acceptable container.

To express them fully? Tsk, tsk. Unacceptable.

Why is it groundbreaking information to say that “Feelings are meant to be felt?” Why does it feel like a giant exhale to be told you’re allowed to be human?

And why are we all ok with perpetuating this farce?

It’s like getting whacked over the head by someone shouting “YOU”RE NOT WORTHY” and in an effort to prove them wrong, we respond with “Please sir, can I have another?”

I’ve spent my whole life trying to be “better.”
Always told that if I could just become good enough, I’d earn the right to be fully human.

And even after 15 years of therapy and pills on pills, I’m still chasing a “good enough” that satisfies anyone, especially myself.

Because even now, I wrestle with the brainwashed voices in my head that echo those before them, telling me I'll never make it, beating anyone else to the punch.

Such a good little student…amIright?

That’s the worst part - that we start enacting this madness on ourselves.

So when does the putting-back-together begin?

Maybe I’ll start with a song—
So I can pour my anger into a creative container that allows me to both release it and hide it?

But what if I just said no?
What if enough of us unsubscribed?

Would the forced hiding stop?

I think that we’re trying. I think many of us ARE saying NO. We’re screaming it out at the top of our broken hearts and our cracking, clicking fingertips.

I see it in how business is beginning to change—
Even if only in some small, stubborn corner.

I see it in the protected containers of people gathering in secret.

The quiet rebellion has begun.
And I intend to be on the right side of things when the “quiet” gives way.

Hey - I’m Alyssa — an artist, copywriter, and idea strategist reclaiming her humanity & rewilding through words.

If you’re a Leader, Founder, Creative, or Coach yearning to grow your brand into a movement that can’t be ignored, stay close.

I’ll help you speak your best ideas into truth and tribes, with words that transcend algorithms.

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I'm still battling with wounds from my past.
Conditioning that wont come off.

Like a cast

Holding bones together.

But my bones were meant to break. 
Shake and rattle and roll.

To dance by the fires at last
My soul naked and feral

Is Creativity just a mask?
A cover for what I lack?

I want to believe that I believe that no more, and yet hearing you bask 
in your much deserved glory

I feel surpassed.

Broken wide open, finally,

yet lonely.

homely.

but growing.  Don’t count me out just yet. Im coming.

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For as much as the concept of “routine” and I have danced along frenemy lines, I’ve known I’ve needed a better way to structure my days. A way to wake up rested and get out of bed with vigor, ready to coast into the productivity I so desperately want.

I know my dreams rely on my ability to create the tangible work that is the natural progression of devotion and so I’ve spent YEARS trying to find something that clicked. That unlocked a way forward into this way of living that felt good and was sustainable long term.

For as much as we want to believe that our limitations are our superpowers, until we understand them well enough, they’ll disable us at every turn and my ADHD has been on the ultimate campaign lately of reminding me who’s **really* the boss.

I’ve asked the internet, listened to podcasts and downloaded the Apps for answers to “How do I improve my morning routine.”.

This is the way we’ve been taught to be successful - to look outside ourselves in favor of “expert” opinions and so I’ve pushed and crunched and folded myself into shapes that inevitably break and leave me questioning, yet again, if “success” is **actually** for me.

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But sitting here with my afternoon meal - of exactly what I want to eat, instead of what I’m told I **should** be eating - I’m wondering why I’m trying to force myself into this life instead of forcing this life AROUND ME.

There’s a question brewing inside all of us.

One, big, undeniable question.

A question so big, entire worlds are built out of it. Lives impacted by it so profoundly its ripple effects measure on the Richter scale.

A question so big it fails to be noticed - like the big blue sky above us.

We're so used to it being there, living with its existence, that on any given day we’re more interested in languishing over our long, never ending task lists, than looking up.

We take both the sky and our question for granted.

You could say I've been searching for my question my whole life. A journey that's led me to giving up on the concept of “life purpose” and pursuing a “life question” instead.

“Purpose” is too constrictive, too inhuman.

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Mascara has a purpose, a cup of coffee has a purpose - and as enjoyable or effective as each of those things are at what they do, all of them are inanimate, not human.

Humanity inherently lives in forward movement, not a one-and-done repetitive task, or in fate and destiny (both of which are concepts I wholeheartedly disagree with).

A question on the other hand, lives in the becoming. In the exploring. In the permission of growth. It allows us autonomy and choices - a birthright many forget.

Following a question allows ALL of our experiences to contribute to our body - both the physical, tangible self and to our work. It offers meaning that transcends our 70 or 80 years.

This question is our life’s truth.

I think that as creatives, we’re closer to our question than most or at least more aware that one exists or is missing. Living from creative energy requires us to ask questions most people are happy to evade for as long as possible.

Have you discovered what your question is? What answers are you routinely seeking?

It's taken me up until the last few years or so to finally articulate mine, but it’s been leaving breadcrumbs for years.

Growing up, I had plenty of examples of what I DIDN”T want my life to be like.

I’d watched my beautiful, talented Mother go through life bitterly unhappy. Capable of anything and everything but doubting herself at every point and ultimately succumbing to a victim mentality. Ultimately giving up everything she’d ever achieved - everything she ever loved.

I watched her relationships crumble with people who loved her dearly. With her own children.

I learned:

• The tragic trap of comparison - a habit of judging away beauty and emphasizing the lack.

• That I was expected to doubt myself too.

• To stay small and be a good girl - content to be told what her opinions were supposed to be.

• That sacrificing myself on the alter of vicarious living to make others feel better about themselves was the cost of earning the love and acceptance I so desperately craved.

I had no Idea how to escape this tragedy - all I knew was that I HAD to.

So I became desperately determined, as most children do, to escape the pitfalls of the adults I saw around me, that came before me, and the unhappiness I witnessed in their worlds.

I was going to create the opposite.

And so my “Question” began:

“How do I make my life exactly what I want it to be, outside the noise of others' opinions, expectations or their personal experiences? Outside of their views of what life “Should” be?”

Ever play that mental game of searching for something to inspire your next creative project - whatever it may be - first strokes on a canvas, a photoshoot concept, or the theme for your next email newsletter, and feel like you’re coming up blank?

I’ve been reading prompt after prompt this morning waiting for inspiration to strike and striking out. I’ve been trying to creatively stretch myself by going into writing with more of a purpose - like “write something business related” or “I want to write for Instagram” etc. instead of taking the breathy-Earth-Mother approach like I normally do of “Lets just see what flows out”.

I’m attempting to see if I can train myself to be a teensy bit more of an “on-demand” creative. I’ve heard it's possible….that I just need to be more disciplined. And so I try.

Anyway….back to prompt after prompt….

I was staring at my blank page….and realized that there WAS something on my mind…something I wanted to say but I was doing emotional backflips to try and find my way around it….to ignore it. This big balloon of a topic was literally top of mind - like if an idea bubble was actually molded into my brain across the inside of my entire forehead - that’s what this felt like, and for some reason, I wanted nothing to do with it.

It's so crazy to me how the brain works (let alone the ADHD brain). I have yet to comprehend how I could be so unaware of something taking up so much space and yet simultaneously trying everything possible to ignore it.

But once I realized what was going on, I decided to embrace it and now I get to tell this story:

I’ve been taking a course to help me deepen my marketing and business writing (copywriting) skills. This isn’t my first time swimming in that ocean and, I’ve found, that most courses are basically regurgitated versions of themselves. Maybe one is more video heavy vs. reading a workbook, and each one has a different “expert” teacher, but they all basically teach the same thing:

1. Create a customer avatar

2. Get inside their head and

3. Write what they're thinking about what you’re selling

That boils down to 90% of what any copywriting course will tell you. The rest of the time they’ll give you templates to fill out - mad libs for professionals - and BAM! You’re now an expert.

If only success WERE as simple as allowing history (first grade) to repeat itself and win the career war with fill-in-the-blanks.

As with your first grade workbooks, the teachers (school and copywriting) believe that the answers to those blanks should be obvious.

Spoiler - they’re not. Not if you’re looking for a result that’s deeper or more original than the froth on my cappuccino.

I’ve struggled with every single course I’ve gone through. I was doing exactly what they were telling me to do and still struggling to end up with the beautiful, personality drenched and persuasive messaging that I saw coming from the copywriters I admired.

And so it goes, when you’ve tried all the things that the “experts” tell you to do, when you shoot your shot and end up in Borneo when you were aiming for the South of France, I thought it was a “me” problem. That I wasn't cut out for this, that I didn’t have what it took to achieve the level of mastery I aspired to.

I felt like I’d exhausted all of the ways I could try and get better and It was time to swallow the bitter pill of defeat.

But “when the student is ready, THE teacher appears” and in true “Along Came Polly” fashion , she not only appeared but an entirely new business and marketing universe came with her.

I’m 5 weeks into a 12 week program and still trying to formulate into tangible expressions how this program has changed me and my understanding of the business world. It’s been profound. All of a sudden, it clicks.

And that’s what was clouding everything else out this morning. What was taking up so much space, the elephant sitting in my prefrontal cortex’s living room:

How much I'm already grieving the end of this program.

I’ve been trying to talk myself off that ledge for the last several days now, because, rationally, I have an everlasting gobstopper’s amount of time left to learn and enjoy the company of the wonderful people that have gathered by this righteous fire.

But when you find something that feels this right, that matches your soul where it's at so completely AND shows you how real your potential and possibilities are, for REAL LIFE, and not just because it's a powerful selling point, isn’t it natural to want it to continue forever?

I think it is.

This is one time that I’ll welcome the grief instead of fight it, because, for maybe the first time, the pain is worth the price.

And now that the elephant in my head has been petted and led back to pasture, I can get back to devouring all the delicious vittles I have on the table before me.

That's the thing with emotions…they demand to be felt.

And that’s the thing about me….I will always find a way through.

On my I-really-should-make-this-a-daily walk today, I popped my ear buds in and pushed play on a shuffled collection of nostalgia. I’d been sitting at my desk for hours and needed to clear my mechanism, and what better way to do that than with sunshine and a song?

Songs have been a constant in my life. I have no memories of not knowing what music is or was. It’s always “just been” for me. Especially the lyrics bit - I’ve had entire conversations with some of my most favorite people JUST using song lyrics. And yes, they totally made sense.

The song “Meet Virginia” by Train was first up and I melted into the words. You’d think that having heard this song 1,966,287 times before that any magic it had left to offer would have already been gleaned.

But as is the case with anything brave enough to be called Art - its gifts seem to be endless.

The song is about a woman - Virginia - and on the surface, you probably wouldn’t like her. She seems a bit grubby - brash, unrefined and reckless:

“...her hair is always a mess….if you catch her stealing, she won't confess…she never compromises…..only drinks coffee at midnight when the moment is not right….her confidence is tragic…”

Flawed. By any measure.

But the real meaning in this song is just how much she is loved BECAUSE of these things. In the same breath that these imperfections are mentioned, they’re directly followed by:

“...She’s beautiful…..I think she’s beautiful…..wears high heels when she exercises, ain’t that beautiful…..her intuition’s magic….I can’t wait to meet Virginia…”

It’s a fantastic example of how two seemingly contradictory things can be true and loved MORE because of the rough edges they carry.

I started seeing myself in Virginia…no, we’re not the same, but I related to tragic confidence and doing things in moments that aren’t right. I started thinking that maybe I could be loved for my rough edges too…and now, maybe, I love Virginia.

So the next time you’re feeling stuck because something you’re trying to put out into the world isn’t perfect, remember that “perfect” gives us nothing to latch onto. Nothing to see ourselves in.

All anyone ever really wants is something to cling to that helps them feel a little more at ease with themselves and that helps them make a little more sense of who they are, warts and all.

Remember Virginia.

1. The success we crave is birthed in the subconscious.  Go deep and uncover what hurts.  It will lead you everywhere you want to go.

2. Stop trying to force yourself into segregated buckets.  The goal is to build and curate one cohesive and fulfilling existence.  One that flows and feeds all categories.  Just because I write advertising for brands doesn’t mean the mental, emotional and spiritual work being done elsewhere doesn’t apply.  The more you can connect the buckets the more valuable you are to your clients.

3. Business is just people - offering them something they value.  Validating their journey by owning ourselves in service of others.

4. Naivete is the seed of greatness.   Find the courage to start.  See # 1.

5. I (you) don't have to be the next Rumi for our words to matter or help.  There’s nothing new under the sun.  What’s valuable is my (and your) informed perspective.  It’s valid and inarguable simply because it’s yours.  Whether someone agrees or disagrees is not your business.  Your people will find you. 

6. Fear and trembling are just part of the deal.  They have no meaning other than you’re facing something new… 

…and isn’t that the whole point?